The 20 Worst Toy Makeovers
From Monopoly to My Little Pony - is nothing sacred?
by Jeanne Sager
August 19, 2008
Yes, we tell the world we had kids "because we wanted them,"
but we also had an ulterior motive: to fill our house with all the toys we loved as kids. Then the toy marketing companies went and ruined it all. Classic toy remakes have sent parents rushing to the stores to stock up on their best memories, only to find that the new and improved version is really a hunk of junk. Here are twenty once-great toys that should have been left alone. — Jeanne Sager
1. Monopoly
At the very least, this Parker Brothers game has lived up to its name. Patented in 1935, the board game now dominates the market with hundreds of versions in 103 countries. But we can't help feeling cheated by old Rich Uncle Pennybags when we have to plunk down a piece of paper money for the rental on a piece of the Krusty Krab. Is it really worth pulling a fast one on the banker to find out if Fantasia Borino is going to be shacking up on the Boardwalk? Give us our thimble, our cannon, our Scottie dog and the old battered shoe or don't bother passing Go. Just go to jail.
2. Care Bears
When your boss is being a big ol' grump, you know all it takes is the Care Bear stare to make everything run smoothly. Just don't expect any help from the Care Bears you knew and loved. Names have been changed, along with little belly emblems. And speaking of bellies, the Care Bears have been working out — probably to make room for Oopsy, the new bear pushed to the front of the line. So much for cuddly little balls of fluff who stand strong to teach kids about sharing, fun and friendship. With their slimmer tummies and gigantic heads, the new Care Bears look a little topsy-turvy.
3. Etch-A-Sketch
To the true artists who can make something craftier than a box with those infernal knobs and the aluminum powder, we salute you. You can tell your kids about the art you made walking up hill both ways to school, because today's kids have color on their Etch-a-Sketch. And when that starts to tax the imagination, they call up the Dora fun screen for a little relief from the stultifying world of creativity.
4. Lincoln Logs
When they bring back your childhood favorites in the "Nostalgia" line, they're trying to tell you something. You're old. But you try telling me how a product that bills itself as "logs" for building "log" cabins can turn to plastic. Hey, I wasn't born yesterday. Which means I remember the real Lincoln logs, the kind Pa would have used to build his Laura her own little house.
5. Chatter Telephone
Maybe they're trying to teach our kids to give up and move on to cordless, but the new version of this Fisher-Price classic is lacking in one major area — the length of the cord. They can't be accused of providing a strangulation hazard to your child, but they won't be accused of making a phone that's any fun either. You try placing a call with a heavy chunk of plastic hanging in the air just off your shoulder and see how you like it. If you're looking for a toy phone for your kids, skip the rotary dial and go straight for the cell phone. They'll be sneaking off with it in a few years anyway.
©2008 Babble
About the Author |
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Jeanne Sager is a freelance writer and photographer living in upstate New York with her husband and daughter, Jillian. She maintains a blog of her award-winning columns at jeannesager.blogspot.com. |
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