A Touchy Subject
Childhood masturbation is as natural as it is embarrassing.
by Nancy Hamilton
March 12, 2007
Progress is also evident on the religious side. Even the out spoken and influential Christian Conservative James Dobson addresses the topic of masturbation on his web site, family.org. When concerned parents write in asking for advice regarding their children's maturbatory activities, he explains that Scripture does not directly address this subject, and that masturbation "is as close to being a universal behavior as is likely to occur." He even reveals his, um, touching, story about the time he was riding in the car with his father, who initiated a heart-to-heart conversation with him on the subject. His dad confided that when he was a boy,By the time our second daughter was born, we had a name for this activity: "private time." he worried that God was condemning him for what he "couldn't help," and assured young James by saying, "I hope you don't feel the need to engage in this act when you reach the teen years, but if you do, you shouldn't be too concerned about it, I don't believe it has much to do with your relationship with God." Admirable show of unconditional acceptance. And really impressive sharing.
My astute and sympathetic pediatrician, in an attempt, I'm sure, to further assuage my fears, told me that intelligent children who discover that stimulating their genitals is pleasurable figure out a way to repeat the experience. I left the appointment confident that I had the smartest little kid in his practice.
By the time our second daughter was born, we had a name for this activity: "private time." And when she began to exhibit the same, normal self-exploratory behavior, we were way over our neurotic concern, and shrugged it off as just another of our offspring with advanced intelligence. As the girls grew into walking, talking creatures with the capacity for at least some amount of reason, the concept of public and private seemed to sink in — and there were less awkward moments in front of family and friends. I think in spite of my routine humiliation (did I mention my early years in the Catholic Church?), my kids were given the latitude and limitations they needed to develop a healthy regard for their own bodies.
Still, every now and then, private time is not as private as it could be, and I wonder if in our attempt to avoid attaching any negative connotation with bodily pleasures, we've created an overly permissive environment. A few months ago when I stepped into my office, I found my five-year-old engaged in an intimate act with a wooden office chair she barely knew. Before I had a chance to remind her that this was not private time, she looked up at me, still rocking, flush faced and without a trace of self consciousness, and said, "Sorry, this spot's taken." With a gentle reminder about the importance of privacy and a redirect to an arts and crafts activity, my daughter — free of shame — shrugged and dismounted. I was bothered that she did not observe the "private time" rule, by continuing her romance with my furniture even when she saw me approach. But more so, I was really irked that — by making it a point to claim her own space — she obviously thought I was entering my office to do the same thing.
©2007 Nancy Hamilton and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Nancy Hamilton is the pseudonym of a writer living in the south. |
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