Pick a Sex, Any Sex
Some couples will do anything to guarantee a boy or a girl.
by Jeanne Sager
August 14, 2008
California psychotherapist Tina Tessina, PhD., author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, said there are a lot of issues parents ignore when they tie expectations to a child's sex.
"I can understand, if parents already have a child of one gender, why they might want a child of the other gender," Tessina said. "However, gender does not determine personality or parent-child connection. So, parents who put a great deal of store in expectations about gender may turn out to be disappointed."
"Disappointment could add to post-partum depression, and interfere with bonding," she continued. "It really depends on the emotional maturity of the parent, but this kind of trying to control the baby's gender — rather than just being glad it's a healthy baby — indicates some lack of emotional maturity anyway."
It's not a popular topic with some moms either.
"Should a child's gender be selected like a brand of flour off the grocery store shelf?" pondered Genevieve Hinson, mom of two boys.
"I wanted a girl," she recalled, "When I say wanted, I was hyper-focused on it. All I could think about were the pink aisles at Target and the cute dresses. I wanted a mother-daughter relationship to share same-sex experiences and milestones with — wanted it so bad I already had a girl name picked out and nursery themes in mind."
But when she discovered her soon-to-be adopted child was a boy, Hinson found herself strangely elated. Looking to adopt again, she's refused to select a gender on the adoption forms: "To pick the sex of a child is just too designer-baby for me. What's next? Eye color and height?"
"Messing with nature to guarantee your child's sex is as selfish as it gets in my book," said Meg Robustelli, a Connecticut mom with an eighteen-month-old daughter. "If your child's sex means that much to you, adopt," she suggests.
That's what Jen Galbraith and her husband will be doing. The Newport, Pennsylvania, couple is jumping through hoops to adopt two boys. "Not only can gender be selected, but hair and eye color, interests, etc.," Galbraith said.
"If your child's sex means that much to you, adopt."
"To me, knowing there are 1,500 kids in Pennsylvania up for adoption, and 100,000 nationwide — and people don't even consider that option, instead spending thousands on gender selection or fertility treatments for a custom baby — is really sad."
But even Galbraith has a gender preference. "I'd hate to be stuck with a girl since I'm a tomboy and not girly at all," she said.
And that's where doctors like Dr. Peyman Saadat, medical director at the Tyler Medical Clinic in Beverly Hills find their calling.
Tyler markets itself as an affordable option for infertility treatments, but its main website boasts a link titled "Sex Selection, Sex Selection with PGD Info," and Saadat estimates six or seven women walk in the door each month to specifically request PGD. Half of them are there because they want to pick the gender of their child.
©2008 Jeanne Sager and Babble
About the Author
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Jeanne Sager is a freelance writer and photographer living in upstate New York with her husband and daughter, Jillian. She maintains a blog of her award-winning columns at jeannesager.blogspot.com. |
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