Little Boy Pink
My son gives girly-girls a run for their taffeta.
by Keri Fisher
June 7, 2007
According to Dr. Lindeman, Declan isn't expressing his innate sexuality when he puts on his cousin's Tinkerbell costume, he is simply playing with facts. "Little boys in the preschool years are starting to learn about gender differences," he explains. "To them, the differences are merely facts. When children 'cross-dress,' they are merely having fun with this new fact they've learned. If their parents laugh, it reinforces their sense that they're being funny."
And at our house, we do laugh. A little boy in a fuschia off-the-shoulder ball gown is funny. Everyone looks when Declan descends the staircase holding up the edge of his dress so he doesn't trip. He loves to be the center of attention. (His most oft-used phrase these days is, "Mommy, look!") And when Declan is dressed as Snow White, everyone is looking.
Which is fine for now. Declan still doesn't have any real friends, and the girls he plays with (his cousins and their friends) love to help him get dolled up. But I hope he'll have friends soon. What will the other boys think of the pink ruffles?
Dr. Lindeman tells me I've got plenty of time before peer pressure hits. "This occurs much later than most parents think," he says, "often not until age eight or nine." Until then, it's okay to set some boundaries on dress-up. "Most parents have decided that children should attend kindergarten in gender-appropriate clothes," explains Dr. Lindeman. "There are things a child can do at home that he shouldn't do at school, like put his hand down his pants or pick his nose at the table." Or wear a purple flowered tutu over striped fleece footy pajamas.
According to Dr. Lindeman, "the greater danger is from causing the children to become frightened of their game without knowing why they should be frightened."
Declan in drag has become a fairly frequent occurrence in our house, and we try not to draw too In Declan's mind, he's not dressing like a girl; he's just wearing clothes he likes. much attention to it or even talk about it; after all, if we make a big deal of it, Declan will come to think of it as a big deal. But one day his cousin Erika teased him: "You're dressed like a girl!" Declan replied indignantly, "No, I'm not!" This inspired the following conversation over dinner (when he was wearing the aforementioned fuschia off-the-shoulder ball gown):
My sister, Amy: Declan, what are you dressed as?
Declan: A ballerina.
Amy: But not a girl ballerina?
Declan: No.
In Declan's mind, he's not dressing like a girl; he's just wearing clothes he likes. What could possibly be wrong with that?
That's the philosophy Tema has maintained through two years of her son playing dress-up. "We encourage his creativity and love that he feels good doing it," she says. And her husband, Doug? "He certainly gets a good laugh out of his sturdy son wearing a pink princess dress."
When a little boy dresses like a little girl, "he is merely having fun," says Dr. Lindeman. "I recommend that parents try to have fun, too."
Fun with a boy in a dress? I can do that. When Declan puts on his tutu and starts pirouetting, I put on the classical music and grab my video camera. I can't wait to play it at his wedding (even if on the big day, he's still the one in the dress).
©2007 Keri Fisher and Nerve Media
About the Author
|
|
Related Articles
|
 |
Keri Fisher has written for Saveur, Gastronomica, Cook's
Illustrated, and Boston Magazine, and is the author of One Cake, One
Hundred Desserts (William Morrow 2006). She and her sister blog about their communal household at whoelsewantstoliveinmyhouse.com. |
|
|
-
by Logan Hill
Why I'm happy to pay for help.
-
by Joel Schwartzberg
One night in the life of a custody arrangement.
-
by Sasha Brown-Worsham
Having a baby changed my stance on abortion.
|
